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You Won’t Be Able To Stop Singing “Crotch Rock That Girl.”

You’ll start this video with a high degree of skepticism, and by the time you reach the chorus, you’ll love the song.

You’re welcome. You’ve just witnessed the musical stylings of Slick Mahoney and Flynt Flossy, members of supercrew Turquoise Jeep Music. Supercrew, you ask? Well, if you take one part Avengers, one part Cash Money/Young Money, and one part Color Me Badd and divide that by the Teletubbies, what do you get other than a supercrew, specifically a supercrew named Turquoise Jeep Music?

It sounds too good to be true, but, yes, Turquoise Jeep Music’s roster is as deep as that equation suggests. Flynt Flossy is the paterfamilias of the ensemble. I’m pretty sure he’s the result of an experiment gone right, in which the DNA of Charlie Murphy was mixed with the DNA of Terry Crews. The rest of the crew is filled with heavy hitters. There’s Slick Mahoney, the coolest no-shirt-but-vest-wearing white guy on the planet, super soulful Pretty Raheem, silk-haired Yung Humma, Whatchyamacallit, and Moonrock, the mask-wearing female who brings a female touch to the otherwise testosterone-overloaded unit.

Turquoise Jeep Music makes serious songs with comic premises and hilarious videos. That’s the only way to describe what they do. Their songs aren’t necessarily funny, but they are based on comic premises. For instance the instant classic, Naughty Farmer has the chorus “I’m a naughty farmer. I raise str8 freaks.” It’s humorous but not funny. The video has a low-fi quality, however, that is hilarious. The videos make you love the songs, and it’s easy to love them because, musically, they aren’t bad. Here’s Naughty Farmer:

When it comes to these videos, Flynt Flossy is nothing short of an auteur. All of these music videos seem to take place inside an outdated version of Microsoft Paint. As far as I can tell, the Jeepverse is a world in which the 80′s and 90′s ran together and never expired because God couldn’t imagine a universe in which Flynt Flossy & company would be irrelevant. Dubstep is a nightmare Yung Humma once had but refused to tell Flynt Flossy for feat it would send him into a severe depression that even the best smanging couldn’t cure.  4:3 is all the space Flynt Flossy needs to seduce your girl, and HD would render Slick Mahoney’s chest in such detail women would spontaneously and swoon.

If you’ve made it this far, you are probably going to love Turquoise Jeep Music as much as I do. To help you on your way, I suggest checking out this short film. It features the entire clique. It’s filled with references you’ll only get once you get more familiar with their catalog. In my lifetime, there have been a handful of short films that have set standards for popular music. Thriller, directed by John Landis. Bad, directed by Martin Scorsese. Trapped In The Closet directed by R. Kelly. This combines the spectacle of Thriller, the technical artistry of Bad and the narrative ingenuity of Trapped In The Closet. I present Turquoise Jeep’s Ooh Ahh Sound.

And, yes, I purposefully avoided mentioning the moustaches and beards.

 

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